Once there was a retired pirate so he decides to live with his brother.

The pirate walks up to his brothers house and knocks on the door and his brother answers the door and says, "Oh my gosh , what happened to your hand!?! "

The pirate said, "I lost it in a sword fight , but now I have a hook."

Then the brother said, "What about your leg?"

The pirate said, "A cannonball hit it , but now I have a peg leg ."

Then the brother said, "Well , what about your eye?"

The pirate said, "I got some dust in it ."
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The brother said, "How could you lose your eye by just getting some dust in it?"

Then the pirate said, "It was my first day with my hook! ha ha

The trucker steps out of his vehicle with a chunk of chalk and draws a circle three feet in diameter in the middle of the road. He instructs her not to move until he tells her to. Naive as she was, she agrees to it and steps inside it.
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The trucker goes back to his truck and pulls out a 50-ounce Louisville Slugger. He walks over to the Lamborghini and beats it, and beats it, and beats it again. When he is done, all that is left is a brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 pile of metal. Satisfied, he throws the bat in his truck and walks over to the blonde. When he gets there, to his astonishment, she is rolling around on the street laughing hysterically. He asks her, "Why are you laughing? I just beat the crap out of your car!!" She is laughing too hard to respond, but between giggles he can make out, "While you weren't looking I stepped out of the circle!"

The US finally sent the first manned space mission to Mars. The spacecraft gently touched down and the astronaut descended and tested the atmosphere. Low and behold it was safe for people to breathe. He removed his space suit and exited the spacecraft. He was amazed to find himself in a lush green valley surrounded with beautiful wooded hills. He hiked for some distance and came upon a beautiful little white cottage with a lush green lawn surrounded by a white picket fence like something out of Better Homes and Gardens. He walked up to the front door and found it open.
He walked inside, looked around and hearing noises from the kitchen, he went back there. WOW, to his amazement he saw the most beautiful blonde he had ever seen standing over a large pot on the stove. Inside the pot was a gooey mess that she was stirring with a large spoon. As he watched she kept stirring and stirring.

After a couple hours he finally asked her what she was doing. She replied that she was having a baby. He was quite skeptical but after a couple more hours of stirring she reached down into the gooey mess and pulled out a beautiful baby girl. He told her that was really amazing but that was not the way it was done on Earth.

She asked, "How do you do it on Earth?"
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With a twinkle in his eyes he said come on back to the bedroom and I'll show you. After an hour of the wildest sex he had ever experienced he lay back exhausted and lit up a cigarette.

"Well," she said, "where is the baby?"

He said "Oh, that takes nine months."

"Well why did you stop stirring?"

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A recent survey suggested that a staggering 51% of football fans would starve themselves for a week in exchange for their team Not long after an old Chinese women came back to china from her visit to her daughter in the Sates, she went to a city bank to deposit the U.S. dollars her daughter give her . At the bank counter ,the money was real.It mady out of patience.At last she couid not hold any more, uttering :“trust me, Sir, and trustthe money .They are real U.S. dollars. They.are directly from America. ”

Mexico 10# BLANCO Home Soccer JerseyHowever, turns out the results weren’t exactly scientific. The survey phrased the question thus: “If you had to choose, what would you give up to see your country win the World Cup?” and then gave five less than serious options. The answer “I want my team to win, but I don’t want to seriously damage my body” was not available. Yet this crucial fact was missing from news reports. Including the one from Reuters.

The mediawatching part of me was interested to see how a joke in a survey managed to mutate into a humourous but semi-serious news story. The other part of me wondered… What would you really give for your team to win the World Cup?www.jersey-sales.com

I’m really asking for something that’s realistic. The biggest sacrifice that you could comfortably live with, in exchange for World Cup glory. For example, I’m kind of attached to my body parts (because they’re currently attahched to me and I want to keep it that way). So that’s a no no. But the laptop I’m typing this on? It’s my only computer and I’d struggle to afford to replace it. But I’d genuinely trade it for an England or USA World Cup 2010 win. What would (or even what wouldn’t) you trade?
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According to "Evening News" reported that Israel has nuclear weapons in the end? In the face of this issue, Israel has adopted a "vague" to address the policy, neither admitted nor denied. However, the U.S., a scholar 萨沙波拉柯 - Suransky recently published a book on the relationship between Israel and South Africa, the book "Silence of the Union: the secret alliance between Israel and South Africa", the book revealed a number of countries in 1975 years of top-secret minutes. Israel has become the first confirmed evidence of nuclear weapons. Minutes of that at the time when the South African Defense Minister 彼得威廉博塔 to ask for any nuclear warheads, Israeli Defense Minister Shimon Peres, Peres said it would respond to three different types of weapons, including nuclear warheads. Reported that, due to price, Botha did not continue the purchases. South Africa eventually developed their own nuclear weapons, but alleged that Israel may have been called "yellow cake" uranium enrichment materials

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A white guy walks into a bar and asked a black guy for a bl*w job.
The black guy beat him up and threw him out of the bar.
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The black guy responded I don't know all I heard is something about a job!!

"You've just had your twelvth baby miss. What are you going to name this one?"

"Phil"

"But you named the last eleven phil"

"Yeah its great. I say phil go clean the room, they all go clean their room. I say phil come for dinner, they all come for dinner."
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"But what if you only want one of them?"

"Oh! Then I call them by thier last name."